From: ibetts@cix.compulink.co.uk ("Ian Betts")
Subject: Munting nuggets......
Date: Tue, 12 Aug 1997 09:33:16 GMT
X-No-Archive: yes


Wotcha all,

I've just been snooping around some old files on my PC, and stumbled 
across a veritable treasure trove of munting nuggets from the UMR archive 
which I'd like t share with you. Apologies to those who posted ny of these 
originally - hope you don't mind me re-posting them here.

Any additions would be more than welcome :))

*********************

Upon approaching mini-cab office after leaving the club, 
my mate turned to me and said "Better hang back for a while, the place is 
swarming with Police". They were in fact the mini-cab drivers.......


*********************

Anyone spot the bloke wearing a cut-off "BOY" hooded top waving a blue 
glow stick around rather manically, and who looked like he might possibly 
have been high on drugs?

Amusing highlights were:
(a) I spent 1/2 hour trying to spot my brother in the crowd, he was 
stood 2 feet directly in front of me all the time....

(b) At the end, my brother said:"I'm just off to get my coat!"
Apparently my reply was: "What's a coat?"

*giggle*

*********************************

Someone I know had several naughty dancing sweeties at a club, and a 
few hours later, chilling out at home was seen to be listening to the 
people around her discussing the night out. She smiled and looked up to 
one of my mates.... "Did we go to a club, then?"
                mate:"Er.... yes."
girl(in childish way):"Oh, did I dance?"
   well, ok, it's not that good, but I thought it was hilarious.

********************************

How about: Running out of the club, [in the middle of Summer] shouting 
"Hey 
everybody- look!! It's snowing, It's snowing!"

*cringe*

Or this one:

My mate [fellow poppers "enthusiast"] came up to me & said: "Shit! They've 
just discovered poppers are really bad for you!!! There was a big list of 
things they do to you printed in this magazine- the first one was memory 
loss 
& I can't remember the rest!!"

*******************************

I have been reminded of another little nugget by a so-called friend of 
mine:

A few of us were sitting down around a table in the chill-out room after 
a long dancing session. After about five minutes of near silence, I leant 
forward, and with the seriousness of someone who had discovered the 
answer to life, I said:

"You know, I've finally cracked this drinking thing. You wait until your 
mouth is dry and have a sip of water."

All I can say is, at the time it made perfect sense to me.........

***********************************

i just wanted to share something that happened to me on new years eve at 
shindig in newcastle......
.....i was at the bar attempting to buy a bottle of water but also 
talking to some lass who was there too.  id had one and a half pills and 
you all know how difficult it is to do one thing never mind two when you 
are completely nutted.
     so there i was talking to this lass and her lad and attempting to 
catch the barmans attention,  so i pulled out my money from my pocket so 
that i would be ready when i finally did get served.
     i held the money in my hands and had a look at it,  it was at this 
point that i got stuck.  i looked at the lass who i was talking to and 
she looked back and asked me what was up and i replied....
"i've forgotten how money works"
she had to show me each individual coin in turn so that i could work it 
out.  i did get it together enough to buy some water and i was so proud 
of myself :))
      its great getting that trollied and then shining through at the end


************

I regularly get into a flat panic in clubs because

a. I can't remember how to have a piss

or

b. I keep thinking I'm going to forget how to breathe.

or worst of all, both at the same time, so I can be stood in the bog 
unable to remember 
how to have a piss and simultaneously thinking that any second I'll have 
to get someone 
to teach me how to use my lungs.

While on the subject of new year tales, try playing dominos when your off 
yer nut - all those spots .....

************

I was asked to take some photos at the last Cooltan bash, but unwisely
took a trip before I got there.
Now, I've worked professionally as a photographer in the past and have
taken photos completely pissed out of my head, spliffed to the max and
in all sorts of states, but this time.....I couldn't work out what the
flash gun was for!
I just looked at it and wondered what it did!
I remember thinking that maybe there was two films in the camera with
one taking a different viewpoint in the flashgun. Or something....
Needless to say the photos were as tragic as you would imagine.
Blurry, wobbly, ( a bit like the taker!), and completely crap, the only
shot that vaguely came out was a lopsided view of the men's toilets.
The rest were totally shite ( one looks like an attempt to take a self-
portrait - from about two inches!).

****************

In a pub before clubbing. Mate produces a small bottle from his pocket and 
says to me:

"I’ve got this bottle of odour-free Amyl", so I rubbished him and took a 
HUGE sniff. "You’re talking bollocks" I replied when the stuff smelt no 
more odour-free than normal. He cracks up in fits of giggles on the floor 
and I keel over rushing like a rushing thing...........

******************


PLUoRo

Ian